I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
