I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
