just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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