Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
