I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
