Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
