even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
