It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
