So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
