I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
