Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
