It's like God shit irony all over that family
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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