break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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