i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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