I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
