Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
