Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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