Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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