i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
