yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
