He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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