all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
