ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
