I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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