But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
