What a fucking waste of an outfit
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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