I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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