Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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