Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had sex on a roof
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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