It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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