She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If I die, sorry about rent.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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