how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
