i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
