Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
