Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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