Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
