You're completely useless in the revolution.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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