My liver just broke up with me...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
