Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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