I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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