I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
