Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
