I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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