This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
