What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
