Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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