she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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