so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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