There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
