does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
