I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
