a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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