Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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