it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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