beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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