im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
