That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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