apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
