So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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