Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
