C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
