I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
