Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
