I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
