A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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