His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
