I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
