u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
